Love and Logic excerpt: Chapter 1

Chapter 1 from Love and Logic: A bloke’s guide to commitment

There is a word …

There is a word, a very dangerous word, and if you mention it you will pay the price. We all know what this word is. We shall refer to this word as ‘the M-word’.

There is only one place you can safely say the M-word and that is silently, in your head, to yourself. If you say the M-word out loud to anyone, it will get back to her and she will think: He said it! He’s thinking about it. He wants to marry me. It’s all going to work out. I have to call Mum!

Utter the word just once and it is, indeed, a slippery slope. Engagement ring, savings blown, a wedding with a hundred guests you either won’t know or won’t like, a mortgage, kids everywhere: the end of life as you know it.

No, by whatever means necessary you must avoid the M-word and, better still, you must build defences around the entire topic (to keep at bay those who are tirelessly plotting to slip it into any conversation). You must never let your guard drop. You must be vigilant day and night and especially when in the presence of your girlfriend’s mother.